#february i did okay
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aghhh man. i've been. doing barely any art lately.
#🔪.text#i haven't drawn anything in like 2 weeks#i started the year off strong#january i had a lot#february i did okay#and then it just went downhill from there huh#this combo of having so little energy lately + adhd meds that don't work as well as the old ones is. not good.#and i know part of this is because both my adopt shops on fr are closed and so is my art shop on pce#but that was something i knew i needed to do because i've not been in a good mental state for like.... most of the past several months#and i needed a break#and now time is just flying and it's been a lot longer than i thought it'd be#and i've been too busy to be able to. y'know. get that mental state actually looked at and shit#and try to get on some actual antidepressants or something#and so they're still closed and i am just. doing fuck all.#like i guess i'll draw again eventually??#everything is just all over the place right now#i think maybe i should at least try upping the dose on my vyvanse#maybe that'll be more effective#i still have some of my old pills left but i don't have those with me#my focus has just really not been great ever since switching#but i don't really have a choice in the matter because there's a shortage of shit right now#and this is all we can get#it just. does not work as well
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no matter HOW BAD 911blr gets always remember,,, 911twt is far worse
#because you’ll never fuckin guess what happened#APPARENTLY IM THE MASTERMIND BEHIND BUDDIE HATE. ME. LMAO M E.#i am HOWLING#all because i blocked people in february for harassing me about my race#i’m a very white passing native woman whose mother and brother is not white passing in the slightest#and apparently that means it’s fair game to debate my race. did yall know that? DID YOU?#nvm the fact that my dads family has debated blood relation to us for over FORTY YEARS because of#how dark my mom and brother are#but hey#so called queer progressives on twitter have decided they’re the victims for receiving a block from me#after they debated my race for weeks & wrote hate comments on my fics and spread rumors#oh and also we can’t forget cam housewifebuck being fed info from twitter and laughing about my downfall#because being bullied for your race is okay in their book if they don’t like you! :)#anyway. i love this place.#amanda talks
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They styling.
Reference I used for the outfits below:
#omori#my art#described#basil 🌻#sunny#kel#this was one of my wips from February so yippee!! I finished it! Basil looks kind of ridiculous tbh but it's okay he's doing his best#kel looks awesome I think. He's killin it. Sunny too#I don't remember why I decided to draw them in these outfits but I'm glad I did. It was fun
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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last exam of my undergrad career is shaping up to be long & annoying contour integral hell times
(granted the entire course has been long and annoying integral hell, so... I suppose that's fitting for the final? still doesn't make me want to do it any more)
#chattering#the material in the class has been interesting- complex numbers are cool! fourier analysis is cool!#the actual work itself has been so incredibly tedious and annoying!#and I'm looking at this practice final exam like. okay cool we've got a question on contour integrals#okay cool we have a question on fourier transforms- oh wait nevermind we have to do 4 more contour integrals for this problem#like just skip the contour integral question if you're going to be testing me on my ability to do it later! this is so fucking repetitive!#gonna be honest we're mailing it in on this one a little bit even though it's 50% of my grade#no clue how I'm doing in the class because the mapping from numerical to letter grades is not clear whatsoever#also did I mention that the TAs haven't graded homework since the end of February?#anyways on vibes alone I am on track for a B which is fine with me
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Behind everything I do is that time I met Phil's family and got to tell them how much his work has meant to me and changed my life, and his mom asked if I'm an artist and told me how important and necessary it is to nurture your passion. No matter what I do, his touch is in it somewhere—the things I write and how I interpret films and the places I go and the short films I create and the artists I admire. I see it all in color because of him, and no matter where I go it'll always be because of him. It's hard to convey the breadth of the foundation he gave me, how much I owe to him, how much I love him and miss him.
#I know I don't talk about him as much on here anymore. but it's like do I post about air? do I talk about my heartbeat?#no! they're intrinsic. they're so much a part of me it would be funny to talk about it all the time#in february his sister and I talked about how things feel. a bit different now. ten years without him alive#she said it was like he was telling us it was okay to let go of some of the old ways of remembering. and find the new ones#and that was nice. because the guilt and pain of the last few months has been..... but then I realize everything is thanks to him#I don't need to be thinking about him 24/7. bc he's always with us no matter what. he's in everything I do more than I can say#no one left behind no one is betrayed. you can't lose.#psh#lately I feel like I am going through a strange third? fourth? hundredth? stage of grief#like I spent a solid three years deep in active intense daily mourning. and then it got a little lighter a little easier#but now it's coming back like#in a way it feels like ok we did it! we grieved. we survived. we learned our lesson. we're ready to have him back now!#and then it hits me all over again#I am realizing once again the full weight of forever without him. how permanent and scary it is how much it hurts#been crying a lot
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hiiiii i have returned from the depths of the underworld (self imposed hiatus) (3 week break that felt like 3 years)
#posting this then going 2 bed so i actually have incentive to start posting again i’ve been meaning to for like. two days now LOL#i’ve just been genuinely stressed LMAO but i started reading a new book n getting into new media so things mightttt be okay.#u know its been a wild time if smth convinced me to take a break from tumblr for like a month#n it was lmao. first it was the fatigue then it was the health issues which the fatigue stemmed from#then it was doing work n then it was literally nobody cares am i alive yes am i doing well sure(?)#am i gonna be active WE'LL SEE#genuinely missed my mutuals which is why i was bad at this i still checked in from time 2 time just did not post#im like 5 days off of this being an actual month long break but i was like waittt lemme post smth before#the month ends i dont wanna skip february so yeah#tldr most chronically online person ever thinks that like 3 weeks away from her blog is like 3 years. iam right#my text#🍅🍅🍅 this was a long rant boooooo get off the stage#i probs sound like a hectic mess bc i am anyway goodnight happy bhm happy valentines happy february hope it has been kind
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"Welcome to Lockwood & Co."
ID Under the Cut!
ID: A picture of Lucy Carlyle and Anthony Lockwood shaking hands in the living room of 35 Portland Row. Lucy has shoulder-length light brown hair and is wearing a black and blue bomber jacket, dark denim jeans, and black sneakers. Lockwood has short, dark brown hair and is wearing a black suit, a white button-up shirt, black dress shoes, and a black tie.
To the left of the two of them is a cluttered bookshelf filled with books of varying colors and sizes, some are lined up neatly and some are stacked up on top of each other. To the right of the bookshelf is a wooden mantle over an empty fireplace, with a large mirror above it. On either side of the mirror are two small sconces. To the right of the fireplace is a hutch, with tall upper cabinets and a small desk portion. The wallpaper is a decorative circular pattern with a beige and gold color palette.
End ID
#lockwood and co#anthony lockwood#lucy carlyle#my art#look. okay. I started this piece in February.#I have been working. on this stupid goddamn drawing. for four months.#we have reached the ''ehhh fuck it. good enough.'' stage#could I spend four more months making this better? Absolutely#I could make the colors better for sure#but I'm tired of looking at it! I'm tired of it being in my files so out it goes into the wilds of the internet#I'm not UNHAPPY with it#I did a lot of background stuff for the first time and that was really nice to have so much fun with a proper background for once#but. goddamn. i'm tired of working on it. so it's good enough.
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women will be loving found family trope
#okay but like#isat gang. whatever the sun and moon anime has going on. wxs. 221b family. sxf.#i really did not realize how susceptible i am to found family plots until february huh
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"Of course, we find time." Music: Prince PG - "Happy Gilmore Intro"
#garrett hedlund#garrett hedlund instagram#february 9#bowler Garrett strikes again#I deleted the first upload I did because it didn't have audio#wheezing at myself no cropping the top off so yes you're seeing my phone status#Tumblr marked the first upload I did as Mature which I find hilarious#This second time they didn't so I guess they're okay with Garrett bowling now
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Tumblr User Arrrchive’s Official SCP Recommendation Masterpost
Classic Creepypastas:
SCP 173: The Sculpture
SCP 027: The Foot Of The Bed
SCP 231: The Seven Brides (tw: sexual assault, child abuse)
SCP 439: Bone Hive
SCP 682: Hard to Destroy Reptile
SCP 1981: Ronald Reagan Cut Up While Talking
SCP 2852: Cousin Johnny
Short Stories and Format Skews:
SCP 001: Lily’s Proposal (The World’s Gone Beautiful)
SCP 001: Locke’s Proposal (Daybreak)
SCP 1171: Humans Go Home
SCP 1715: Online Friend
SCP 2000: Deus Ex Machina
SCP 2072: Prime Ministerial Pet Cemetery
SCP-2272: Ellis Canastota, P, Pensacola Blue Wahoos
SCP 2432: Room Service
SCP 2508: The Long Wait
SCP 2556: Indefinitely Suspended Stratojet
SCP 3515: Unearth
SCP 3799: A Short History of Snowfall
SCP 3939: [NUMBER RESERVED: AWAITING RESEARCHER]
SCP 3972: “Ken Burns Presents: SCP-3972”
SCP 4205: In The Eyes of The Beholder
SCP 4699: and only the doorway remains.
SCP 5002: A Death In Containment (tw: mention of sexual assault)
SCP 5031: Not Another Murder Monster
SCP 5320: The People’s Church Of The Fish That Just Goes On Forever
SCP 6005: Cascadia
SCP 6278: HARBINGER II: Welcome to Marvin's!
Non-Standalone SCPs:
SCP 2317: A Door To Another World
SCP 4156: Last Bastion
SCP 4646: Sing Me A Song For The End Of The World
SCP 4833: The Syncope Symphony
Longer Narratives:
SCP 3001: Red Reality
SCP 3999: I Am At The Center Of Everything That Happens To Me
SCP 4231: The Montauk House (tw: abuse, sexual assault)
#scp#scp recommendation#scp foundation#scp recommendations#legacy speaks#hooo OKAY here are some of my fav SCPs. Did not include ones like 963 105 166 or 628 because those are more… character based#but check out those as well if you want 😎👍👍#also Major Tom and Portraits Of Your Father by thefriendlyvandal are not technically SCPs but they’re still amazing pieces of writing#that I recommend wholeheartedly!!#I’m still eating through SCPs so if y’all have recommendations leave em in the notes/tags#but basically I started reading SCPs in February as a way to procrastinate on midterms and I amassed so many that I figured#It was time for a masterpost lol#*** also I meant 682 not 628. whoops#also. 231 sucks but it’s important context for 4231 :(
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04.09.2023
Yayyy 🥳 dissertation draft is sent to supervisor for a similarity check and i feel so lightweight rn. Now it's time to see Alex and Henry ( again)🥹🫠
#she was lying she stopped the movie midway Nd scrolled insta to watch edits of brightwin and alexhenry#wowow this dissertation is almost done i feel so proud of myself#still thay abstract is left to review once more i did it yesterday but all the excitement is gone bcs I won't be able to attend the#conference in perosn#it's okay tho#i also watched heartsopper s2 and I'm just so jappyyyy uff they're all so cuties#i also look cute today#i swear this is a studyblr#study study#studyblr#february academia#studyspo#studying#study blog#alex henry#they so cute#i love my boys so much#red white and royal blue#that's it#bye
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Hurray!! My sister came out to my mum as bi/pan and told ma she had a girlfriend and it went well! She's not 100% supportive but we'll get there
#My mom actually found out about her girlfriend back in February but didn't tell anyone she knew#And although she knew she still allowed my sister and her “bestie” to hang out and even let my sister's gf sleep in our house lol#Our aunt also knows and she's supportive (which is not surprising because my aunt is a lesbian lol)#Dad doesn't know yet and my sister is not ready to tell him because he's more homophobic than ma#He'll probably be unsupportive in the beginning but will be accepting eventually because his sister is literally a lesbian lmao#And although she's a lesbian dad still loves her because they're siblings and mom and dad even bought my aunt's gf/wife a rainbow cake lol#But they did hide that my aunt and her “best friend” were actually gay from us during our childhood because#“ohh kids won't understand and being gay is inappropriate for kids and we don't want them to turn gay”#So like. Not 100% supportive but at least it's not “GAYS ARE EVIL IM DISOWNING YOU FROM OUR FAMILY NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!!!”#Oh right and my mom is bi and she told us it's okay and normal to like the same gender as long as you don't act on it#And talked about having a crush on a girl when she was younger but never doing anything about it because she knows it's a sin#I think my parents are more transphobic than homophobic tbh#I have a trans relative and they interact with her and talk to her but they always misgender her#I don't think I'm going to come out as trans anytime soon#There was this one time they were mocking nonbinary people and they/them pronouns and ouch lol#But yayyy I'm happy for my sister!!
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23-year-old me wasn't happy, but I miss her.
#she worked so hard. she cared so much. she could still DO things. she hated the whole world all the time but she was /herself/#she didn't feel so disconnected from her own humanity#tbh kind of miss 17-year-old me too. she didn't give a SHIT. she just did what she wanted.#she also wasn't afraid to ask for stuff.#and she had the first real friend she'd ever met. who she saw every day. and who wasn't an astronomical number of miles away from her#I know I know. you can never go back. you shouldn't romanticize the past. it wasn't that great.#but jfc I miss having hope that I was going to be okay and get things I wanted someday.#I'm THISCLOSE to driving to the nearest person I have a positive relationship without preamble to cry on their doorstep and ask for a hug#my GOD this is the worst month why is february always so BAD#In the Vents#I'm sorry. I'm just. finding it very hard to discover reasons to like myself#mainly because I feel like there's not a 'myself' to even like#I think I am going to go get ice cream#then maybe I can focus enough to watch something. who knows.
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i should make a playlist for sabosan...
need more ppl to understand... 2024 IS FOR SABOSAN‼️‼️
maybe when i create their playlist i could draw the cover for em bc theres literally no art of them together (well there are a few but i dont typically use fanart unless its mine or i commissioned ppl)
#sabosan#tin talks#god please let february be my sabosan brainrot#i mean ZL for ever but... im thinking abt pretty blonde boys#OKAY UHH i typically imagine/draw sabo with his bangs covering his burn scar so im just#thinking abt sanji brushing away sabo's hair and tellignhimhesbeautiful god theyre gonna kill me#also if they kissed their bangs would also kiss did you know that#but if it was pre ts sanji and amnesia sabo then they'd complete the bangs if they kissed#oh my god i wonder what pre ts sanji and amnesia sabo would be like#what if they met in lougetown#i have thoughts sometimes
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omg i have an ask that says "what's your favourite ancient civilization?" that i'm so anxious to answer actually because i don't think i'm qualified to have one...? like i did want to study archaeology but my plan was to catch up to fun stuff and detailed facts in uni once i was away from my family because that was an easier way to live since my dad only valued mathematics and physics as something i should've been spending my time on. so like to avoid being called stupid and useless and disappointment to him more than was necessary, my knowledge of history in general was restricted to basic stuff we learned in school and when i started uni i deleted most of that stuff from my memory because well turns out i won't need that and it's easier not to think of an alternate universe where the pandemic didn't happen and i got out, instead of remaining stuck with my family studying pharmacy... and even from the school stuff, we only focuesed on mesopotamia, persia, ancient egypt and then everything else was europe. so my knowledge of ancient civilizations beyong that is that they existed. i was planning to learn about as much suff as possible during that summer before starting university but that obviously didn't happen and now i feel so underqualified to actually answer that harmless little ask. like answering ancient egypt or ancient greece or ancient rome because i remember the most about them from school because we did study those the most sounds boring but i also literally would need to google english spelling and exact names for anything more fun that i remember. like my knowledge is that little. i shouldn't be getting this worked up over an ask lmao but i don't want to have this rant be an answer to it so i have to get it out before i eventually gather what little i remember and try to figure out an answer
#besties i had to get a license for judging skating for my dad to stop yelling at me for watching it#i read classics for school at home because those were acceptable books and usually discussed over dinner but any fantasy and sci-fi etc#had to be read on the bus to school (if i was going by the bus) so he wouldn't find out and deem me a waste of money and his time#i spent from august 2019 to february 2020 slowly explaining that studying archaeology abroad wouldn't be pointless and wouldn't be somethin#only people who can't get into any other faculty would study for him to reluctantly agree#to this day he is saying that the pandemic was actually perfect for me because i didn't throw away my life and potential#i was to my country's biggest museum thrice in my life. mandatory school visits.#okay but not to give you a wrong picture my parents really really aren't strict or anything#sure i do lie to my dad a lot but rn i am the only person who gets along with him at home#like yeah i have to be home by 22 at last but that's reasonable to me i see no reason to stay out that late#i have never been to a club sure but i also would rather eat my own arm than go to a club#yes they do ignore the fact that i hate drawing and painting in favour of boasting how talented i am and yeah my dad is complaining#how i should have studied architecture instead of pharmacy and i do hide the fact that i like to write from them but also#i did paint my cousin's book covers so it's kind of difficult for them to understand that i don't like that and writing is a silly hobby
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