#february i did okay
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aghhh man. i've been. doing barely any art lately.
#🔪.text#i haven't drawn anything in like 2 weeks#i started the year off strong#january i had a lot#february i did okay#and then it just went downhill from there huh#this combo of having so little energy lately + adhd meds that don't work as well as the old ones is. not good.#and i know part of this is because both my adopt shops on fr are closed and so is my art shop on pce#but that was something i knew i needed to do because i've not been in a good mental state for like.... most of the past several months#and i needed a break#and now time is just flying and it's been a lot longer than i thought it'd be#and i've been too busy to be able to. y'know. get that mental state actually looked at and shit#and try to get on some actual antidepressants or something#and so they're still closed and i am just. doing fuck all.#like i guess i'll draw again eventually??#everything is just all over the place right now#i think maybe i should at least try upping the dose on my vyvanse#maybe that'll be more effective#i still have some of my old pills left but i don't have those with me#my focus has just really not been great ever since switching#but i don't really have a choice in the matter because there's a shortage of shit right now#and this is all we can get#it just. does not work as well
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no matter HOW BAD 911blr gets always remember,,, 911twt is far worse
#because you’ll never fuckin guess what happened#APPARENTLY IM THE MASTERMIND BEHIND BUDDIE HATE. ME. LMAO M E.#i am HOWLING#all because i blocked people in february for harassing me about my race#i’m a very white passing native woman whose mother and brother is not white passing in the slightest#and apparently that means it’s fair game to debate my race. did yall know that? DID YOU?#nvm the fact that my dads family has debated blood relation to us for over FORTY YEARS because of#how dark my mom and brother are#but hey#so called queer progressives on twitter have decided they’re the victims for receiving a block from me#after they debated my race for weeks & wrote hate comments on my fics and spread rumors#oh and also we can’t forget cam housewifebuck being fed info from twitter and laughing about my downfall#because being bullied for your race is okay in their book if they don’t like you! :)#anyway. i love this place.#amanda talks
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They styling.
Reference I used for the outfits below:
#omori#my art#described#basil 🌻#sunny#kel#this was one of my wips from February so yippee!! I finished it! Basil looks kind of ridiculous tbh but it's okay he's doing his best#kel looks awesome I think. He's killin it. Sunny too#I don't remember why I decided to draw them in these outfits but I'm glad I did. It was fun
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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last exam of my undergrad career is shaping up to be long & annoying contour integral hell times
(granted the entire course has been long and annoying integral hell, so... I suppose that's fitting for the final? still doesn't make me want to do it any more)
#chattering#the material in the class has been interesting- complex numbers are cool! fourier analysis is cool!#the actual work itself has been so incredibly tedious and annoying!#and I'm looking at this practice final exam like. okay cool we've got a question on contour integrals#okay cool we have a question on fourier transforms- oh wait nevermind we have to do 4 more contour integrals for this problem#like just skip the contour integral question if you're going to be testing me on my ability to do it later! this is so fucking repetitive!#gonna be honest we're mailing it in on this one a little bit even though it's 50% of my grade#no clue how I'm doing in the class because the mapping from numerical to letter grades is not clear whatsoever#also did I mention that the TAs haven't graded homework since the end of February?#anyways on vibes alone I am on track for a B which is fine with me
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yippie I got my spotify wrapped
of course Freeman In The Flesh by Vandoorea is my #1 song lmao.... according to Spotify I'm in the top 0,001% of listeners (maybe bc I'm the only asshole on the planet who kept that song on repeat and made sure to listen to it every day)
#artemis rambles#that and Familiar by Agnes Obel and So Cold by Breaking Benjamin are my top 3 songs. my holy trinity if you will#anyway hi sorry for being quiet and not shitposting life and mental illness has kept me busy lol#not sure if I'll get to do much stuff because hey guess what I'm writing my bachelor's thesis now all of a sudden#its a bit shocking that the working period has already started. i thought it would start in February but okay. Okay. i can work with that.#i did want to do more s2fm stuff and maybe even draw something (just to see it flop and die lol) but we'll see#also i have a bluesky. wanted to post there too. augh...
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hiiiii i have returned from the depths of the underworld (self imposed hiatus) (3 week break that felt like 3 years)
#posting this then going 2 bed so i actually have incentive to start posting again i’ve been meaning to for like. two days now LOL#i’ve just been genuinely stressed LMAO but i started reading a new book n getting into new media so things mightttt be okay.#u know its been a wild time if smth convinced me to take a break from tumblr for like a month#n it was lmao. first it was the fatigue then it was the health issues which the fatigue stemmed from#then it was doing work n then it was literally nobody cares am i alive yes am i doing well sure(?)#am i gonna be active WE'LL SEE#genuinely missed my mutuals which is why i was bad at this i still checked in from time 2 time just did not post#im like 5 days off of this being an actual month long break but i was like waittt lemme post smth before#the month ends i dont wanna skip february so yeah#tldr most chronically online person ever thinks that like 3 weeks away from her blog is like 3 years. iam right#my text#🍅🍅🍅 this was a long rant boooooo get off the stage#i probs sound like a hectic mess bc i am anyway goodnight happy bhm happy valentines happy february hope it has been kind
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Whats your idea of a perfect date
Perfect date? In my eyes, it's all about the little things.
I don't have a license and I don't want to have one, but it would start with a good drive while I play passenger princess, enjoying the open road. I don't trust myself behind a wheel, but I love being driven around, I love velocity and long long trips. Sometimes I do enjoy the car drive more than the destination, but welp
Stopping by a pub or a dark, smoky bar with a jazz band playing in the background. Good drinks, good music...or a cafe and share a good cappuccino - each with their own. I dunnot share my caffeine
Followed by a moonlit stroll in a beautiful park by a river, ending with… watching the stars together
Sitting on a rooftop with a view of the city could also be fun, even though I'm afraid of heights
Maybe some more pleasurable activities afterwards, if we feel so inclined
But, alas, I don't exactly believe in perfect dates. Life is too messy and unpredictable for perfectly curated moments.
#asks#anon#lgbtqia#lesbian#all this to say: i've never been on a real date not really#i just write a lot of romance and live through my characters while romancing myself inside my head#why the sudden romantic asks tho#did i receive this around february?#...#no! this was in august!#anyway yeah dated a considerable amout of people but never went on a real romantic cliché date#ngl i think i've been on more romantic-ish “dates” with my best friend than any other person#agh okay i shouldn't have said that imagining my dear girl in a romantic way is making my skin crawl#not that she aitn a gorgeous lil thing but she is _not_ my type and she's like a sister to me </3 and she is os so very straight#it's as one of my friends says: some people are just good for hookups and that's how it is#actually#book shopping date? sounds extremely perfect if you ask me#oof wait can you imagine a cosplay date? now that would scratch an itch i'm sure#ohohohohohohohohohoh date at the theatre? concert date?#gay#very gay#maybe the zoo? i've never been to a proper zoo#actually i think i've written so much romance i became my own ideal date who absolutely egotistical is that#*gasp* good omens date that turns into a good shag because we can't take the tension between the two idiots? hm yes#i would maybe even consider a dancing related date but i don't dance#not in a dignified way anyway#could it be considered a date if you both just bring your laptops and write gay fanfics together? cause that sounds delicious#“trying to write some smut are we? c'mere lemme give ya some inspiration”
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talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)
#and like i say: brf slt#they don't know i'm crazy and as long as you're normal about it having seen a lot of movies just makes you come off as someone who's like#interested in culture i guess. which i am. but it's fun#and the books thing too and also knowing a lot about sociology#i have things to say jokes to make so in two months they haven't even realized i haven't lived a life yet🙏#i didn't even do it on purpose the way it happened is in 2019 i was very depressed suicidal etc then i got better but i was focused on#like...idk. basically getting used to being okay with being alive again? then it was 2020 and we didn't have classes in person full time#until september 2021. that's how it was for university students here. i did hang out with people but no one i LOVED or actually became#close with and it's true that i could have tried harder but i didn't because guys i love being by myself😭😭😭#then three years went by and now we're here. it's fine it's just that i don't have a lot of anecdotes that aren't old because LITERALLY#nothing has happened to me. nothing#that's not true i did talk about something semi-recent to my bff on friday it was about my 'friends' who hated on everyone the same way i#did when i was literally 12 and about how anxiety inducing it was because after a while i was like is this how they talk about me when i'm#not around🤨 i actually talked about that then. january or february 2023#this has been in my drafts for a week and i talked about the post i talk about in that last tag last week when i talked about my mutual who#blocked me that's the post she replied to to give me advice😔#also it's funny i said they don't know i'm crazy and a guy asked me what my favorite tv shows were and i don't know why i actually gave him#my full list like it's funny because like i said they think i like like good movies and good television and interesting books and stuff#and i know the shows i told him made him reassess that (which is fine but it's just funny) and also i told him i'm watching gilmore girls#for the 18th time and he was like you're joking i was like hm...and then he was like no you're being serious because it's way too#precise...and THAT i could have not told him. i was like whyyy did i tell him that...but it's fine#HE HADN'T EVEN HEARD OF SUCCESSION? 34-year-olds...#i mentioned the sopranos a couple weeks ago and my future bff was like what is that and i was like ? then i asked two more people and they#didn't know the show either so i was like i'll ask him (34-year-old) i know he'll know the sopranos and he was like OBVIOUSLY i know#the sopranos it's supposed to be one of the best shows of all time and later i asked if he had seen succession and he'd never even heard of#it? crazy. i mean if it had been anyone else i wouldn't have thought it was crazy but i expected HIM to know succession
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"Welcome to Lockwood & Co."
ID Under the Cut!
ID: A picture of Lucy Carlyle and Anthony Lockwood shaking hands in the living room of 35 Portland Row. Lucy has shoulder-length light brown hair and is wearing a black and blue bomber jacket, dark denim jeans, and black sneakers. Lockwood has short, dark brown hair and is wearing a black suit, a white button-up shirt, black dress shoes, and a black tie.
To the left of the two of them is a cluttered bookshelf filled with books of varying colors and sizes, some are lined up neatly and some are stacked up on top of each other. To the right of the bookshelf is a wooden mantle over an empty fireplace, with a large mirror above it. On either side of the mirror are two small sconces. To the right of the fireplace is a hutch, with tall upper cabinets and a small desk portion. The wallpaper is a decorative circular pattern with a beige and gold color palette.
End ID
#lockwood and co#anthony lockwood#lucy carlyle#my art#look. okay. I started this piece in February.#I have been working. on this stupid goddamn drawing. for four months.#we have reached the ''ehhh fuck it. good enough.'' stage#could I spend four more months making this better? Absolutely#I could make the colors better for sure#but I'm tired of looking at it! I'm tired of it being in my files so out it goes into the wilds of the internet#I'm not UNHAPPY with it#I did a lot of background stuff for the first time and that was really nice to have so much fun with a proper background for once#but. goddamn. i'm tired of working on it. so it's good enough.
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women will be loving found family trope
#okay but like#isat gang. whatever the sun and moon anime has going on. wxs. 221b family. sxf.#i really did not realize how susceptible i am to found family plots until february huh
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"Of course, we find time." Music: Prince PG - "Happy Gilmore Intro"
#garrett hedlund#garrett hedlund instagram#february 9#bowler Garrett strikes again#I deleted the first upload I did because it didn't have audio#wheezing at myself no cropping the top off so yes you're seeing my phone status#Tumblr marked the first upload I did as Mature which I find hilarious#This second time they didn't so I guess they're okay with Garrett bowling now
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04.09.2023
Yayyy 🥳 dissertation draft is sent to supervisor for a similarity check and i feel so lightweight rn. Now it's time to see Alex and Henry ( again)🥹🫠
#she was lying she stopped the movie midway Nd scrolled insta to watch edits of brightwin and alexhenry#wowow this dissertation is almost done i feel so proud of myself#still thay abstract is left to review once more i did it yesterday but all the excitement is gone bcs I won't be able to attend the#conference in perosn#it's okay tho#i also watched heartsopper s2 and I'm just so jappyyyy uff they're all so cuties#i also look cute today#i swear this is a studyblr#study study#studyblr#february academia#studyspo#studying#study blog#alex henry#they so cute#i love my boys so much#red white and royal blue#that's it#bye
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Hurray!! My sister came out to my mum as bi/pan and told ma she had a girlfriend and it went well! She's not 100% supportive but we'll get there
#My mom actually found out about her girlfriend back in February but didn't tell anyone she knew#And although she knew she still allowed my sister and her “bestie” to hang out and even let my sister's gf sleep in our house lol#Our aunt also knows and she's supportive (which is not surprising because my aunt is a lesbian lol)#Dad doesn't know yet and my sister is not ready to tell him because he's more homophobic than ma#He'll probably be unsupportive in the beginning but will be accepting eventually because his sister is literally a lesbian lmao#And although she's a lesbian dad still loves her because they're siblings and mom and dad even bought my aunt's gf/wife a rainbow cake lol#But they did hide that my aunt and her “best friend” were actually gay from us during our childhood because#“ohh kids won't understand and being gay is inappropriate for kids and we don't want them to turn gay”#So like. Not 100% supportive but at least it's not “GAYS ARE EVIL IM DISOWNING YOU FROM OUR FAMILY NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!!!”#Oh right and my mom is bi and she told us it's okay and normal to like the same gender as long as you don't act on it#And talked about having a crush on a girl when she was younger but never doing anything about it because she knows it's a sin#I think my parents are more transphobic than homophobic tbh#I have a trans relative and they interact with her and talk to her but they always misgender her#I don't think I'm going to come out as trans anytime soon#There was this one time they were mocking nonbinary people and they/them pronouns and ouch lol#But yayyy I'm happy for my sister!!
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i have GOT to stop cursing myself for my mental health not being good, or for having literal human emotions, (as if i didn’t suffer a manic episode literally two months ago and i’m still recovering and healing from it)
#okay but literally why was february the longest month of my life and march was five seconds long?#and now april is going fast too#my dad has being going on about our holiday for like months and now it’s less than two weeks away#i’m anxious about it tbh#it’s my first big trip in like almost five years#and like i wanna go i wanna live my life#bc i know if i stay home i’ll regret it#but every time i think about going i feel a little nervous#for reasons that i don’t even really know#residual manic depression feels and the internalised ableism that *reallly* got bad during said episode is making me feel sick with nerves#a lot lately and i don’t know i want freedom and independence and a life and i’m trying so hard and ehhhhh#idk i repeat the same shit a lot but it’s a big problem but it’s not something i can change but that doesn’t mean i just stop feeling bad#about it#‘healing isn’t linear’ yeah fuckin tell me about it#idk if i dip in and out that’s why#not that most people would really notice or care#but if you’re interested yeah wow gwen’s off on a weird one again! big surprise!#i take the piss to cope but anywaysssss#just feel like a clown lately like ‘honk honk’ that’s me#said i wasn’t gonna curse myself for feeling bad then immediately did#i’m trying to unlearn that amongst many other things sighsssssssssss#anyways whatever
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23-year-old me wasn't happy, but I miss her.
#she worked so hard. she cared so much. she could still DO things. she hated the whole world all the time but she was /herself/#she didn't feel so disconnected from her own humanity#tbh kind of miss 17-year-old me too. she didn't give a SHIT. she just did what she wanted.#she also wasn't afraid to ask for stuff.#and she had the first real friend she'd ever met. who she saw every day. and who wasn't an astronomical number of miles away from her#I know I know. you can never go back. you shouldn't romanticize the past. it wasn't that great.#but jfc I miss having hope that I was going to be okay and get things I wanted someday.#I'm THISCLOSE to driving to the nearest person I have a positive relationship without preamble to cry on their doorstep and ask for a hug#my GOD this is the worst month why is february always so BAD#In the Vents#I'm sorry. I'm just. finding it very hard to discover reasons to like myself#mainly because I feel like there's not a 'myself' to even like#I think I am going to go get ice cream#then maybe I can focus enough to watch something. who knows.
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